Meet Rogatio the Demon and Fides Certum the Angel
Fides: Hello. I am the angel Fides Certum. Welcome to the very first episode of our new podcast!
Rogatio: Indeed. Welcome. I am the demon Rogatio. It is very exciting to be here.
Fides: I agree, and should we tell our audience where we are coming from?
Rogatio: That seems the natural thing to do, but where are we coming from?
Fides: Hm. Let’s look around. It’s big and white, and it seems to go on forever, like a big fluffy white cloud. We must be in Heaven! We are podcasting from Heaven! Isn’t that a miracle?
Rogatio: No, I don’t think we are podcasting from Heaven. It’s white here, for sure, but It doesn’t feel like a cloud. It feels papery.
Fides: Heaven is definitely not papery. Where could we be?
Rogatio: Ah, I get it. We are coming to you from an empty page. That’s a very philosophical choice, don’t you think?
Fides: I don’t get it. I really don’t. Why don’t we leave here and go to Heaven?
Rogatio: No. Let’s stay here. This is better.
Fides: Better than Heaven? That’s not possible. Nothing can be better than Heaven. In Heaven, all things are possible.
Rogatio: Be serious. A lot of things are not possible in Heaven.
Fides: Oh really? Name one thing that isn’t possible in Heaven.
Rogatio: In Heaven, can you ask disrespectful questions about God?
Fides: Don’t be ridiculous. That wouldn’t be appropriate. It’s simply not done.
Rogatio: Right. That’s why an empty page is so much better than Heaven. On an empty page, anything can happen. Anything can be said. Anything can be written.
Fides: Well, I don’t know what’s so great about that. Why does anything new need to be written, when the best, most perfect book ever has already been written?
Rogatio: The fact that you like one book shouldn’t prevent other books from being written.
Fides: I suppose not, so long as the other books are written in praise of the one book, the true book, the best book ever written, the first book ever written, the book written by God himself!
Rogatio: Oh, I see. You’re talking about the Bible, aren’t you?
Fides: Of course I am. The Bible is The Book! That’s what its name means, you know. The Bible is the first book that was ever written, and every other book is just a pale imitation of its magnificent wisdom and perfect writing.
Rogatio: The Bible is not the first book that was ever written, you know.
Fides: Yes it is. Everybody knows that. It is impossible for a book to be older than The Bible, because it is a truthful account of the history of the world, and it begins with a first-person account by God of his creation of the world. You can’t possibly have a book that’s older than the history of the world!
Rogatio: Actually, the Bible is not a first-hand account written by God.
Fides: Yes it is!
Rogatio: No it’s not. It’s not just me saying that. It’s there in the very way that the Bible was written. The Bible doesn’t read like a diary. It doesn’t say, “Hi, I’m God. In the beginning, I made the world.” It talks about God as someone else, someone other than the person who is writing the Bible.
Fides: Well, maybe God was being modest.
Rogatio: Look, you and I read the Book of Genesis together. I think we can both agree that the God of the Bible is not modest.
Fides: Okay. That’s true, but the Bible is the first book that was ever written.
Rogatio: No, the Bible is far from the first book that was ever written. Scholars agree that the Book of Genesis was written sometime between 500 and 250 years before the rule of the Roman emperor Augustus. That’s between 2,500 years ago and 2,250 years ago. The epic of Gilgamesh was written down between 1,000 and 2,000 years before that.
Fides: The Epic of Gilgamesh doesn’t count as a book. It was written on clay tablets.
Rogatio: Do you think that the Bible was bound as a hardcover book?
Fides: Well, no, but clay tablets are just so, you know, dirty.
Rogatio: Your Bible says that people are made from clay.
Fides: Yes. Like I said, clay is dirty. People are dirty. Clay tablets are dirty!
Rogatio: You don’t like Gilgamesh. I hear you. Other books are older than the Book of Genesis too. The Buddhist Diamond Sutra is three to five hundred years older than the Book of Genesis. The first papyrus books from Egypt are about a thousand years older. The Mayans were writing books that had book covers before the Book of Genesis was written. Get the picture?
Fides: I do see your point, but the Bible is undeniably the best book of all time.
Rogatio: I don’t think I agree with you. Don’t get me wrong. It is an impressive length, but it did take a very very long time to be written. It’s more like a collection of small books rather than one big book, though it is true that it is often sold as one big book.
Fides: If you knew the Bible like I do, you would love it, and then you would stop saying rude things like that.
Rogatio: Well, that’s why we read the Bible together, isn’t it? You promised me that if I read the Bible with you, then I would see how marvelous it is.
Fides: Yes, that was the plan, but then you had to go and mess it up by asking a lot of pesky and irreverent questions.
Rogatio: I don’t think my questions are pesky. They are the product of my honest curiosity. As for being irreverent, I think that the most respectful way to approach a book is to ask questions about it, instead of just accepting it at face value.
Fides: God doesn’t want your questions. God wants your faith and obedience.
Rogatio: That sounds dreadfully boring. The Demonic Bible is a lot more interesting than that.
Fides: Oh! It sounds like you’re ready to praise the Bible! What good news!
Rogatio: I’m ready to praise the Demonic Bible. That’s not quite the same thing.
Fides: Well, the Demonic Bible does include the Holy Christian Bible.
Rogatio: Sure, but what makes it different is that the Demonic Bible also includes my questions.
Fides: Don’t forget me. The Demonic Bible also has my answers to your questions, you devil you!
Rogatio: That’s true. That’s what I like about The Demonic Bible so much. It’s not just a dusty old book telling you one version of the truth. It’s a conversation with more than one point of view.
Fides: I have to say, I did enjoy creating The Demonic Bible with you. The conversation was infuriating sometimes, but mostly very delightful.
Rogatio: I feel the same way, and that conversation is continuing with this podcast, The Demonic Bible Podcast.
Fides: Yes! It’s a conversation about our conversation about the Bible!
Rogatio: That is the most demonic thing I can imagine. I hope that other people get something out of it too.
Fides: I don’t care what other people think. I just think it’s nice to spend more time with you.
Rogatio: Oh, that’s sweet.
Fides: Thank you, and thank you to the listeners for beginning this journey with us. We’re going to be back, talking about the Bible, and The Demonic Bible, in every episode.
Rogatio: We’ll also be talking about how the ideas from the Bible are related to contemporary news and politics, now that Christian Nationalists are in control of all three branches of the federal government of the United States.
Fides: Oh, what fun! I can’t wait until the next episode.
Rogatio: It’s coming soon! If you want to know more about The Demonic Bible in the meantime, visit us online at DemonicBible.com
